2b Old & Wise [ME4]

Ever since I was a teenager, I have wanted to be “special.” I have wanted to have an impact on people and inspire them in such a way that they felt they could soar. In those days, I thought I could achieve that by being an actress, but eventually I figured out that my real calling was to write. Someday, I hope to write a book, one that tells about my relationship with my son, who’s an alcoholic and an addict. I think there’s so much about such situations that most people don’t understand. I would like to make moms and dads feel better about themselves, for we all feel guilty about how we deal with our substance-abusing children.

The other thing I’ve always wanted to be (again, since my teen years) is along the same lines as special. It’s “wise.” I have always seen myself as becoming an old woman, sitting on a front porch in a rocking chair and developing meaningful relationships with neighbors and other passers-by. I dream of them seeking me out to share their troubles and joys with and to be reassured and encouraged. For me, gaining wisdom is the ultimate goal in life. But also, I have many reasons to believe I’ll be alone in my old age, and being able to touch others’ lives will keep me occupied and content.

Meanwhile, at 60, my life is kind of aimless (excluding the CL part of my existence). The hard situations that dominated my fifties have finally dissipated, and I have no idea what my next path will be. I’ve entertained many possibilities, but nothing really calls to me yet. I firmly believe that, as has always happened, something will eventually reveal itself. Still, I long to be more motivated to get out there and keep carving my niche in the world—to keep on growing.